Thursday, 7 February 2013

You Can't Make Someone Love You

It’s possible this is one of the hardest things to accept when it comes to matters of the heart. You find the person you’ve been looking for all your life. Trouble is, they don’t seem to have realized it.
Maybe you met recently and you’re head over heels, but they don’t seem very keen. You’re hanging on desperately, sure that they must soon realize you are made for each other …     Or maybe you’ve actually been together as a couple for years – they are very fond of you, after all, and being with you is easy – but deep down you know they don’t really love you. Sooner or, maybe, later they’ll tell you that things just aren’t working out, but you don’t want to hear it. You try to persuade them to give you another chance. Maybe you try to change, to become the person they really want. It’s all a bit humiliating really, but you don’t see it like that. You think it’s worth it to win their love.

Funny thing is though – it never works. Love just isn’t like that. You can jump through any hoops you like, beat yourself up for not being able to match up to their standard (as you see it), damage your confidence and your self-esteem in the process, and still they won’t love you. They can’t. Maybe they’re gentle and apologetic about it, and maybe they’re unkind or even brutal. The same scenario is played out in relationships the world over – where only one of the two is actually in love. Think through some of the couples you know and I bet you can think of examples where this is true.

I know people who have been through this, and have taken months or years to realize there’s no hope. Since then, they’ve found romance with someone who reciprocates their love. And the interesting thing is that everyone I know who has been through this says the same thing: thank goodness that other relationship finally ended, because this is so much better.
You see, however wonderful the object of your affections is, if they don’t love you back the relationship will never be that good. Even supposing they could love you. If it requires you to keep jumping through all those hoops to hang on to them, it’s just not worth it. You need and deserve someone who loves you for who you are, not for who you’re pretending, or trying to be. So as soon as you realize you’re with someone who doesn’t love you, you need to be really brave and end the relationship before they do. You’ll feel bad about losing them, but great for holding on to your pride, and one day you’ll look back and realize how courageous and right a decision it was.
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