Get over the past before you get on with it

We all get battered and bruised by life, that’s inevitable. Some of us come off worse than others. Of course, it’s the scars that give us character, so they’re not all bad in the long run. But in the short term we may need to recover before we re-enter the fray.

If your last relationship or two has left you a bit of an emotional wreck, it’s better to repair the damage before you start looking for a new lover and partner. Otherwise you won’t be able to show them the real you, and you won’t be able to focus on them if you’re still preoccupied with yourself. If you make a mistake with your new relationship (and it happens to all of us), you could end up more bruised that you started. And even if you did manage to find someone truly caring and loving, both of you could the fact that one of you wasn’t ready yet to launch into a relationship.

Something happen sometime ago one lady who came out of a relationship an emotional wreck. Then she met a man who was lovely – kind, nurturing, protective. Just what she thought she needed. Over the next couple of years he looked after her until she was strong, independent woman again. And what happen? It killed their relationship completely. She wasn’t the woman he’d fallen in love with any more. Lots of men go for strong, independent women, but he wasn’t one of them. He liked women who were fragile and needed looking after.

And that’s the danger. Even if you find yourself the perfect partner, they’re only ideal for who you are right now, and that’s not who you’ll be once you’ve recovered – the person you really are underneath. I’m not saying these relationships can never work, but it’s very, very rare.So do yourself a favor. Go away and hide somewhere while you lick your wounds. Enjoy your friends and your family, and wait until you’ve recovered a bit before you start looking for a new partner. And when you do, try to pick someone whose scars are relatively well-healed too – because of course this works the other way round as well. That way you can both see each other as you really are, and start your relationship the way you want to continue.