If a man feels as though he has to win you over first—sexually with his manliness, wit, or charm—he will place a higher value on you. Men are possessive. He likes knowing that other men cannot easily get to where he is trying to go. Like he’s Captain Kirk and Christopher Columbus all wrapped up in one, he wants to explore new terrain not trampled on by too many men before him. And he judges whether you make “the rounds” by one thing and one thing only: how quickly you give it up to him.
At first, he wants to sleep with you. He doesn’t care what you do for a living. He doesn’t care what kind of car you drive. He doesn’t care that you like a doughnut and coffee in the morning with Equal and nonfat milk. So you have to turn it into something else. When you make him wait, he begins to notice that you are “different.” And that’s when he begins to care that you like nonfat milk, not cream, in your coffee. If you have sex immediately with a man, he’ll say to himself, for a short while, “She just couldn’t resist me!” But then he’ll begin to scratch his head and wonder how many other men you also couldn’t resist.
There are some men who don’t want to invest any effort. These are the men who subscribe to the “three-date rule.” This rule holds that if a woman doesn’t put out by the third date, the man should stop pursuing her altogether. There are men who truly want to find a woman they can spend time with. However, the “three-date rule” is for men who have ruled out this option entirely; they just want to hit and run. If a man leaves because he didn’t score by the third date, it’s a clear signal he would have left after getting it anyway.
The nice girl is more likely to feel obligated, pressured, or manipulated to sleep with a man early on. She sleeps with him and then believes she’ll hook him with great sex, as though what she has to offer sexually is “golden.” The smart girl understands that the sex only becomes “golden” when he doesn’t get it right away.
Unlike the nice girl, the smart girl believes that she has much more to offer than just her sexuality. So she has sex when the feeling strikes her—if and when she’s comfortable with the relationship. She is plenty sexy, which is precisely why she doesn’t throw it out there as if it’s all she has. After they consummate the relationship, this doesn’t change. He is still unable to predict when he will make love to her. He doesn’t know if it will happen Tuesday or Wednesday. Or Saturday or Sunday. So the mystery and the chase never go away, and he never quite feels he has fully conquered her. And that is because when she has sex with him it’s on her terms.
When sex happens early on because the nice girl wants desperately to hold on to a man, his behavior changes completely The dinners, the candlelight, the flowers—it all comes to a screeching halt. Instead of taking her out to dinner and a movie, now he’s dropping by unannounced with a video because he already knows what’s going to happen. However, when a woman makes him wait and he’s romantic over time, the dinners and the flowers keep on coming. Why? Because he formed the habit of treating her with respect before he got what he wanted.
NOTE: Every man wants to have sex first; whether he wants a girlfriend is something he thinks about later. By not giving him what he wants up front, you become his girlfriend without him realizing it.