Friday, 15 March 2013

why you shouldn't nag your partner

I saw some interesting research recently, which showed that if you nag someone to do something they are actually less likely to do it than if you don't nag them. I can't say it really surprised me - I know how I feel about being nagged.
    The fact is that nagging is pointless. If your partner isn't going to do whatever it is because they love you, they're certainly not going to do it because you nag them. All you'll achieve is resentment and a deterioration in your relationship and that's not going to help either of you.
     You're just have to come up with another way to get it done. Maybe if you tried getting off their back, they would do the thing eventually - in their own time. Perhaps you just need to adapt to their timescale. Or maybe you need to sit down and talk to them about why they don't do it. Not accusingly of course, that would just be nagging in a different format, but with genuine concern to find out whether there's a problem. They could be exhausted, they could be unsure how to do it, they could believe it's your job and they don't see why they should do it.
     Or perhaps you need to get more creative. Try tickling them until they do it. Or hiding their car keys until they sort it out. Or having a good-nature deal that you won't do a certain thing until they've done theirs - it's got to be good-natured though or you're back to nagging again. So you could say, 'I promise I shall never ever mention the washing up again. On the understanding that I shan't ever start cooking the next meal until the previous one is washed up,' Make it light-hearted, but stick to it all the same. Maybe they'll end up doing all the cooking, but hey, in that case you can wash up instead and it will be fine.
     If your partner isn't generally idle, there's got to be a good reason why they're not doing whatever it is - wiping their boots before they walk on the carpet, or fixing the broken light. Try to get to the root of the problem. If they just hate that particular chore, maybe you can swap it. You'll take over all the washing if they'll do all the shopping or something.

  •        Don’t insist that a task be done on your schedule
  •        Remind your partner that it’s better to decline a task than to break a promise.
  •        Assign chores based on personal priorities.
  •        Explain how you feel not how he / she is wrong
  •        Make the distinction between “this is how it has to be” and “this is how I'd like it to be.
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