Don't try to change your partner

So many believe that they can and will change their partner. It's only a matter of time. They say, "If he love me enough, he'll change that small thing to please me." But to your partner, that "small thing isn't so small. Even if they do try to change to please you, very often they become resentful. "You don't love me for myself, but for the person you want me to be" they say. And it's true. When you try to change them they feel you don't really love them. You just want to turn them into someone to fill your needs.

The fact is that you can't ask people to change, and even if they wanted to they couldn't do it. They can modify their behaviour, but they can't change their personality. You can't stop someone being irresponsible, or football - obsessed, or workaholic, or shy, or easily stressed. So if you can't live with these characteristics, don't get involved.

Whatever you do don't embark on a relationship with someone thinking, 'I can't cope with this bit of their personality, but that's OK - I'll change it; you won't, you know. You'll just make both of you miserable.

I know no one who is exactly perfect - everyone can be irritating from time to time in a relationship (including you) - but you're looking for someone whose irritating habit are worth putting up with, not for someone who you can mould to your personal recquirements.

And be warned that this also applies to the big stuff that could make you very unhappy. If you meet someone who is perfect apart from being alcoholic, or physically abusive, or serially unfaithful, you won't change that either. Please don't kid yourself. They might keep the behaviour in check for the first three months or years, but sooner or later, when the euphoria (A feeling of great happiness or well-being) wears off and the stress of normal life returns, they will go back to their old ways. Don't say I didn't warn you.