Don't stay with someone who is not caring

Some people are great at being partners, and some just aren’t. Once they’ve known you through all the seasons, they settle down into taking you for granted. They haven’t got time for your problems – if they’ve even noticed that you’re not usual jolly self. They don’t bring you flowers any more, or suggest a romantic evening out, or spoil you on your birthday. In short they don’t care enough.

Often the people who do this are just downright self-centered. They stop noticing you once they think the relationship is secure, and go back to thinking about themselves. They’ll probably still expect you to look out for them, and listen while they talk through their problems or offload the stress of the day, but they’re reluctant to reciprocate.

Sadly, these people aren’t likely to change, at least not for you. Maybe – one day – they’ll be dumped by someone really special and it will wake them up for the next time. I hope so. But it may have to be you that dump them. The fact is that if they don’t care enough, they won’t make you feel special. And that’s not right or fair.

You want a partner who makes you feel special because you are, and they want you to know it, not one who has learnt to go through the motions in order to stop you leaving. And that’s what it comes down to. If your partner truly cares about you, they’ll make it clear. If, deep down, they’re putting themselves first and taking you for granted, it’s not going to change. You deserve better than that: go and find yourself someone who really wants to make you happy.

If your partner doesn’t care about you now, at the start of the relationship, things will go downhill if you stay together. Don’t imagine that moving in together or getting married or whatever is going to make it all better, because I can tell you now that it will make it all worse. You need well and truly to resolve this problem before you consider making a big commitment to them – and good luck to you. If you decide to give them a last chance, give it a very long time to be sure they really have changed before you commit yourself.

Somewhere out there is someone who will care for you properly, in every sense. Don’t throw yourself away on someone who won’t. It will damage your confidence and your self-esteem over the years, as well as making you unhappy. So do yourself a favor and wait for someone better to come along.