I asked men why they hide their
feelings, or “play hard to get.” I asked why they often put up pretenses that
they are cool, “macho,” and tougher than they feel. They do this because they
feel they have to, especially when dealing with women. Women often wonder
why men take so long to make a phone call.
For example, a man asks for her
phone number and then waits six days before calling. Then he takes her out on a
really fun date and waits another five days before calling again. Meanwhile,
she’s scratching her head and asking, “What’s up with that?” Men are used to being turned down
by women so this delaying tactic is how they keep their guard up. In the
beginning, he’ll be calculated. He’ll be rational as opposed to “emotional,”
because to him appearing too obvious, or “emotional,” will be perceived as a sign
of weakness. On Tuesday, he’ll say to himself, “I think I’ll call her on
Thursday”. Most men don’t have a clue that the woman would have preferred a
call on Tuesday.
So why do they do it? They do it
to “save face” and to give the impression they’re “in control” of the situation.
An attractive guy by the name of Steven surprised me with his candor. He said,
“You have to approach women looking like you do it all the time, and it isn’t a
big deal to you. The minute you act like it’s important to you, the woman
smells it and she treats you differently”. This is the reason men will wait
before calling and then act a little bit cavalier. They believe that women
disrespect men who appear weak or vulnerable.
What you can take away from this
is: Do not take it personally if he doesn’t call for a day or two. Often
when it seems as though he’s slightly rejecting you, it can be a
compliment in disguise; he wants you so much that he doesn’t want
to appear too obvious about it. Other times men pull back deliberately
to see what your reaction will be, because they are curious to see how
much you care.
When a guy plays cool, he thinks he
impresses the woman with his power or his strength. He’s just trying to be hip,
like he knows what’s up. No guy wants to be perceived as a Mommy’s boy or a
wimp. Guys do it to appeal to women. Most guys believe that nice guys finish
last and that women on some level want a bad boy”. Some men think if you open up too much, a
woman will use it against you.” “If you let a woman know that you haven’t been
in the company of a woman recently, she could get the impression you’re
desperate or just trying to be with any woman.”
I may not call a girl too much in
the beginning because I don’t want to give the impression that I’m too eager.”
Guys are just as emotional as women are. They just don’t show it because
society says you aren’t supposed to. As a guy, you have to appear to be in
control of yourself”. When she acts like she doesn’t care, it can scare you.
Women can crush men and they don’t even know it. If a woman puts her foot down
and walks away? It can crush a guy . . .”
If a man is really falling for a
particular woman, a lot of times he’ll try to conceal it. Very few men will
ever break down and cry over a woman in front of her.” Of course men play cool
. . . to get women interested in us. We want women to like us and don’t want
them to think we are too eager. If you show you’re too interested right off the
bat, women will think you are desperate.” Sometimes I’ll pretend to ignore a
woman in the beginning, or I won’t call as much to keep a woman’s interest. No
guy wants to look too desperate.”
NOTE:
Men treat women the way they treat
other men. They “play it cool” because they don’t want to appear weak or
desperate.
